What other things will help?
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You may feel overwhelmed by grief and unable to take care of your children properly, but it is important to keep to their normal routine as far as possible. It might be helpful to ask a friend or relative to give your child special support by talking to them or taking them out to give you time to yourself.
Small children may worry that you may leave them too. Reassure them that you will not and tell them clearly about times when you will be away from them and when you will come back.
Don’t be afraid to let your children see you grieving. This will let them know that it is natural to cry and express how they feel. Encourage them to talk about their fears and worries. If you try to hide your grief from them, they may think that you did not care about the person who has died. It is also important to let children know that they do not have to grieve all the time – playing and physical activity can be helpful. Children may feel very angry after a suicide. Physical activities (like kicking a ball or running) can help them channel this rage.
You can provide physical security, comfort and reassurance with hugs and cuddles, favourite food, soft blankets and nightlights.
The loss of the person who died will change your family situation and roles within it. You may have to take on extra responsibilities and it may be difficult to make ends meet. Try not to lean on your children too much for support and comfort, though it can be good to talk to them about important changes and include them in decisions.
Plan things to look forward to and tell your children about these so they know you will still be looking after them.
Tell the school about the death, and tell your child that you have done this. Practise with them what to say to friends and teachers. You may need to remind new teachers of the situation later.
Some children find it helpful to make a ‘memory box’ or scrapbook containing photographs, drawings, letters, poems, stories and mementos of the dead person. They can return to this as they get older and want to know more about the person who died.
Making the memory box or book can be a valuable family activity. Winston’s Wish supply a variety of special boxes for this purpose.
Reassure your child that they won’t always feel so bad. It may take a long time, but they will feel better and will always be loved and cared for.
By talking about the death, encouraging questions, sharing feelings and comforting your child you can help them get through this difficult time. If you are worried that your child is not coping, ask your doctor to arrange professional help.