Some suggestions to get you through a difficult time

The following are some suggestions to get you through this difficult time:

What has been helpful:

These are some comments by teenagers who have been bereaved by suicide.

  • Writing a journal
  • Friends who listen no matter what; who don’t pretend to understand; who knew the person who died; who have been in a similar situation; who are also grieving
  • Talking to someone who knows about suicide
  • People making time for me
  • Rituals like memorial services
  • Playing their favourite song
  • Drawing a picture of the person
  • Cards from friends and friends calling in
  • Spending time alone in my room
  • Listening to music
  • Student health service
  • School counsellors

What has been unhelpful:

  • Study and school work pressure
  • Friends who don’t understand or who are hypocritical, saying they understand when you know they don’t
  • Teachers thinking they understand; being nosy putting pressure on you; being insensitive
  • People asking questions; demanding answers when you don’t feel like talking; saying ‘snap out of it’; spreading rumours; always bringing it up; putting their foot in it
  • Parents saying you shouldn’t cry

What you would have liked:

  • Parents to chill out
  • People not being scared to mention the person’s name and talk about them

What’s been the most difficult:

  • Being expected to be ‘back to normal’ after a certain time, for example six months
  • Being where the person who died used to live and them not being there
  • Going past the place where they died
  • Selling and removing their clothing and possessions
  • Not being able to talk about it, because it happened a long time ago and so people don’t mention it
  • Blaming myself
  • Not being able to cry at home
  • Having to explain why I’m crying and not wanting to talk about it – so it’s better not to cry
  • Everyone supporting our parents and telling us to support them – what about us?
  • Not being told the facts – the truth being kept back
  • The stigma associated with suicide – people say very insensitive things, especially to do with religion
  • Seeing parents cry