What will help?

Coming to accept that the person has died does not mean that you will ever forget them, but in time you will find it easier to go on with your life. Saying goodbye helps. You may decide to see the person’s body, but if you are worried about this, ask someone close to you or someone at the undertakers to let you know what to expect (for example, that the body will feel cold). If the death was violent and the body disfigured, it might be possible for part of the body, like a hand, to be visible while the rest of the body is covered. Some people are pleased that they saw the dead person looking peaceful and were able to touch them and say goodbye. The funeral can also help people accept the reality of the death and to say goodbye and share their grief with family and friends.

If you decide you don’t want to see the body or go to the funeral, you could help plan a memorial service later, where people can remember the person who died and share good memories.

You could make a ‘memory box’ or scrapbook where you keep photos, letters and things that remind you of the person and the good times you had together. It might help to write a letter to them, telling them things you wish you’d told them when they were alive.

Birthdays, Christmas and other special occasions will be difficult times. It can help to plan in advance what you’re going to do with your family, carers or friends.

Talking about your feelings can help you manage and make sense of them. You could make a list of people you could talk to, like parents, other relatives, friends, a teacher, a neighbour, a close friend’s parents, a doctor, a counsellor or a helpline, so that you can contact them if you feel bad. Samaritans has an email service as well as a telephone helpline.

You could visit some websites for young people who have been bereaved which explain about grief and give some ideas of how to cope. ‘Hope Again’ is Cruse Bereavement Care’s website designed for young people by young people. It is a safe place, where young people who are facing grief can share their stories with others. Here you will find information about services, a listening ear from other young people, and advice for anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one. Winston’s Wish helps bereaved children and young people rebuild their lives after a family death. The Child Bereavement Charity has a special section for young people. You might also like to check out an Australian site, ‘Reach Out!’, an anonymous and confidential website which provides information and support to help young people through difficult times, including coping with loss and grief.

Look after yourself and do things you enjoy. It’s OK to laugh and have fun. You can’t be sad all the time and it doesn’t mean you don’t miss the person who has died. Try not to bottle things up, but find a way to express your feelings, maybe through art, writing, music or physical exercise.